The Book of Resurgence
1. For Rakkalord, the loss of the treasured Boat Shop brought fury to his soul. 2. It was the final straw. 3. Rakkalord, considering his vast global support, constructed a plan. A plan to bring life back to Lumberland. A plan that would bring the good back to the land. A plan that would free Rakkalord from his subterranean jail. 4. A resurgence. 5. Rakkalord, however, lacked a key figure in this plan: One that could Hack. For hacking had not been achieved yet by the many dupologists and communists. He immediately screeched for Jason to come, to which Jason answered promptly, supported by his vast Pink Val army. 6. "Jason," Rakkalord said. "Go about the many foreign continents and find the most excellent hacker. This will be the most difficult but most important task of your life." And so he did: Jason voyaged across the earth in search of this person. He had looked under every rock, in every town, in every city, but simply could not find a Hacker. 7. Over time, his strong followers began to wither away, either with boredom or exhaustion. Many of the haulers had broken down, and their fuel, liquid sinister, was draining. In these foreign lands, it was difficult to dupe -- they had no Reload Slot buttons. 8. Jason had reached the rocky, stormy coast of the fifth and final continent when, suddenly, the engine of the truck died, and he lost control. It plummeted into the disturbed sea and rocketed to the bottom. Jason tried his best to swim, but the lack of iridium in these foreign lands suffocated him. He fell unconscious. 9. Jason awoke to sounds of running water. He pulled himself off the floor of a strange room -- pipes ran to and fro, highly saline water flowed from corridor to corridor, and the rooms were dark and damp. He wandered about until he came to another room, where a man lay at a computer. He was injecting The Hacks into the world with it. 10. Jason approached him and bellowed, "Behold! The man of wits, intelligence and Hacks! What is your name, sewer-dweller? You have been chosen by the almighty Rakkalord to lead our Rakkan kind into greatness!" 11. The man turned to him, and got out of his chair. He took off 24 pairs of sunglasses quietly until his blue eyes met Jason's. He said sternly, "I am surprised that you have awoken so soon. In that harsh water, anyone should have died. You must be one of the few Demigods." He paused. "My name is Intel. I am the ultimate Hacker." 12. Suddenly, on the other side of the sewer room, a door burst open and came, just as drowned as Jason himself, Lumberman. 13. "Vile creature, Jason! My men are gone because of you! I have spent more than a century at sea. I am starved and broken. This is because of you." He turned to face Intel and his expression changed. 14. He bellowed, "Behold! The man of wits, intelligence and Hacks! What is your name, sewer-dweller? You have been chosen by the almighty Joshua to bring death and destruction to the dupers! Side with me instead!" 15. Intel thought for a moment. He said, "I have a compromise. Jason, I shall fulfill your quest and ideology, and you, Lumberman, I shall kill your nemesis." Before they could react, Intel stole the Gold Axe from Jason's grasp and slayed him with it, then turned to Lumberman and scared him out of the sewer. He laughed. "A new demigod has arisen!" 16. Intel arrived in Lumberland swiftly, using his powerful Teleport tool. He appeared in front of Rakkalord and declared, "My lord, I have arrived, along with my Hacks. Unfortunately, the vast and cold-hearted waters of the ocean have swallowed your only Son, Jason. May I live up to his greatness." 17. Rakkalord's many faces been to weep and sob immediately. The Lost Cave began to flood with his tears of liquid sinister. Then he looked up and screeched for five minutes. "How could this happen to him? O, Jason! What a soul he had! He shall never be forgotten. Intel, you have served him well. May this quest bring luxary upon your life. I hereby place you in control of all that can and will be duped." 18. Rakkalord then dried his 2000*C tears and stood. He turned on a light, pointed it at a wall, revealing The Great Rakkanese Plan. He said, "Intel, you must use the power of The Gold Axe along with your Hacks to clone all of Lumberland - to Copy it. Nothing more communist than that can be done to this land than that." 19. "Then, you must duplicate this copy amongst the many cheaters of this land. This means infinite energy. Infinite energy for eternity! The world would lie within our grasp, and the power of creation would no longer be necessary, for duplication is of equal strength. Imagine that, Intel. Candy cane wood. Neon forests of every possible color. Endless gamepasses. Vip boxes in every nook and cranny. Spook and sinister covering the land as finely as blades of grass. O, the possibilities! A dreamland, Intel! We will build magnificent bridges from place to place! We'll make every boat imaginable, with the least professionality as possible. And I, ruler and graceful god, the divine king and eternal emperor of this land, shall rest upon a throne of dense, solid Cavecrawler, and will no longer move scurriedly about these pitiful obscure caves! Copies for all!" 20. "As for the other two wretched deities, this extreme might will be enough to bring to them their demise. Intel, commence the plan." 21. And so he did. 23. Intel brought his laptop outside, and plugged in The Gold Axe. He than began to stream this on Youtube. The ground began to shake where he stood, and the trees bent away; great winds flooded the land and many items flew off of people's bases. Ownership no longer mattered. It was all part of a collection: the energies from this built up into a great storm that swallowed the entire archipelago. 24. Joshua sensed a disturbance and quickly went to investigate. What he saw tore at his soul. 25. He pointed at it, but nothing happened. It was too strong. He screeched and pulled out his mighty Banhammer, but he could not penetrate the force field of Spook planks swarming Intel. And dupe was in Intel's grasp. His blood flowed with Sinister. His eyes became those of an ostrich. Cash began to flow out of his mouth as he was lifted into the air, driven by the immense revenue from donations. He lifted his hands and the materials formed, orderly, a giant and magnificent weapon of communism -- The Omega Warhammer. It settled down, and waiting below it, lie Rakkalord, whose grasp it fell into. 26. "Rakkalord?!" Joshua bellowed. Undervoid curse you! I had killed you those many years ago! 27. The ground began to tremble and people ran away, but the two deities were persistent. "Joshua, you have silenced and killed my people. Again I ask you, where is your care for us?" Joshua shook his head. "I created you for a reason, Rakkalord. I wanted you to show the world how strong and capable you are with only nature to provide. And you betrayed me, and polluted this nature. You have put this universe at risk, for there is a third deity you have let free since The Creation. The God. Glitches will overrun us if we do not abide by the law of nature. Every time you abuse your Reload Slot, a nulldrich is born. Our world is at stake now. Because of you!" 28. "The God is a lost and confused soul. In the future, I shall slay him with this War Hammer. But for now, I shall slay YOU!" 29. Rakkalord swung down his War Hammer, yet at the same time this blow was stopped by the Ban Hammer. Joshua knocked him off of his feet, but found himself entangled in a swarm of candy canes. He burst free and pounded Rakkalord in his 4th head, flinging him high into the air. He rushed towards him in this instant and slammed him far down into the deep lava of the Volcano. 30. But Rakkalord was quick: from the lava emerged many neon red trees, and like needles they soared toward Josh in the sky. He fell to the ground. But as Rakkalord approached him, he saw something unusual. 31. The Gold Axe was laying on the ground, unclaimed. At the same time the deities grabbed hold of either side of the axe and tugged hard. 32. "Cease your evil doings, Joshua!" cried Rakkalord. 33. Joshua replied, "End this Lumberland-cloning nightmare!" 34. At that instant, the axe ruptured in half, releasing enormous amounts of energy. The deities were flung far back in opposite directions. The storm settled, and the ashes from their fight settled. 35. Josh screeched for 20 minutes, a new record. "Look what thou done, Rakkalord! You have destroyed the most powerful tool you could lay your eyes upon. No longer do you have the potential to kill a diety. The prophecy of Nollugism looms!" 36. "Me? Failed? I have obtained my copies! YOU failed to stop ME. You are undeserving of your throne. I am free from my subterranean bounds. I have achieved resurgence. That's all I want. For now." 37. And with that, Rakkalord vanished into a portal to one of his vast candylands. 38. And Joshua sobbed. Return to main page